View from the outside

I attended a wedding and a baptismal last Saturday. Both couples (the newlyweds and the new parents) are contemporaries. That’s not the only thing common between them. The bride, who is my sorority sis, got married because she is pregnant. She was very candid to admit that had it been otherwise she wouldn’t have gotten married at this time. The new father on the other hand, who is jerv’s high school classmate and just recently his kumpare, had his kid before marriage.

And so while me and my boyfriend are enjoying every bit of being a not so new couple and going through the intricacies of being in our first serious relationship, some of our friends have been jumping into the world of the unknown..the world of married life and parenthood. i know I would love to be with my boyfriend 24/7 and having to carry the baby in my arms from the church to the reception sure made me look at him (the baby) in awe and feel that I would want to have one of these in the future. But to have all these right here, right now? Nah..

Unlike most girls who have planned their weddings when they reach the age of five, I have not the slightest idea how I would want my wedding to be. Watching my cousin plan for his wedding was strenuous to me already. I don’t think I can do that. At least I have decided getting married is a good idea unlike before when I think it’s perfectly ok not to get married. Marriage is just too big a responsibility. I think that it’s totally different when you share just about everything with another person. When you have problems, you can’t just retreat into your shell that is called your room and think things over or cry or what-have-you. all your decisions should be based on two premises, both supposedly right, and all your actions have implications on another person’s life, not just yours.

On the contrary, I have long decided I want to be a mom than to be a partner. I think I can handle having a kid than having a husband. But of course, parenthood, is even more difficult. And I’ll be not just a parent but a mom. My mom happens to be my cornerstone, my hero. and witnessing what she has gone through made me believe at such an early age that being a mother is a Herculean task. Something that I refuse to subject myself in at the age of 22. not just yet.

But my ultimate reason for this seemingly cynical view on marriage and motherhood is convenience. On Saturday and Sunday mornings I just have to wake up to the aroma of freshly-brewed coffee and breakfast. I can read the entire paper all morning and not worry about my next meal. I can sleep the whole afternoon after lunch or read a book. I can go out at night not worrying about other stuff like putting a baby to sleep or what home repair needs to be done. After work I go home to dinner already prepared, take a shower and just jump to bed. I know it sounds hedonistic and if you’re asking, of course I have a hundred things on my mind. But i just enjoy this time of my life when I can freeload on mom’s meals and other family freebies and not worry about anything else other than how will I stretch this week’s salary to the next.

My psych teacher said that young adulthood (18-40 years old I think) is the longest stage in a person’s life which means that you have all the time in the world to rethink and reconsider and do all other things important such as planning your wedding, settling down, having a baby and getting him baptized. But mostly, I think it’s all about getting your paycheck, taxfree.